Comparison: the plague of parents.

   See mama tobi's son, he graduated with a first class in his department while you are here struggling with second class upper, cant you see your younger sister, this child why are you like this ?only you has been giving me problem since the day i pushed you out of this belly, i wish you could be half responsible as kazeem next door, segun you are a disgrace to me why didn't i flush

you away before 3 months i would have saved myself some stress, complain, complain, excuses and lamentations are all your child gets, have you stopped for once to consider what is really wrong with this child? am i the harsh one who expect much more than hat my child gives me?, why condemn someone to a life of feeling degraded through comparison, honestly i dont know what most parents think happens to these children how they feel are "useless" but let's face it some children can be hard sometimes, yes! we know that, but as parents it is our duty to bring up our children in love even at times when they prove difficult. Some parents claim they compare children in order to ginger their child to improve, well if that method worked for you congratulations you just added one black stain in the black book your child keeps of you.

Misperceptions are a natural part of parenting, Mothers and fathers see their children as they want to see them, through comparison most parents have encouraged unhealthy sibling rivalry, and brought lowered self esteem knocking on their children's door, mummy doesn't love me, daddy hates me.

THE FIRST BORN SYNDROME.

"Lead author Alex Jensen says that parents often compare the elder sibling to the second, in the belief that the first-born is smarter. However, research shows that, on average, their academic achievements were similar. “The first-born likely learned to read first, to write first, and that places the thought in the parent’s mind that they are more capable, but when the siblings are teenagers it leads to the siblings becoming more different. Ultimately, the sibling who is seen as less smart will tend to do worse in comparison to their sibling,” 

A lot of parent attack the first born child when anything goes wrong in the home why? it is believed he/she is meant to keep the younger children in "check", forgetting that the younger children were not trained to follow the older child, in turn the youngest child becomes "my child", you will often see parents scolding the elder child: why did you scold my child, what did you do to my child, give this to my child, my child, my child, my child didn't you give birth to them all?

MY FAVOURITE CHILD.

"Growing up, Danielle Rothman* was acutely aware that her mother preferred her youngest brother over the other three kids in the family. “She would actually come right out and tell him he was the favourite in front of us and we’d all cringe,” says Rothman, a 50-year-old communications professional and mother of two in Halifax. “She’d cuddle and hug him — something she rarely did with me. I grew up feeling inferior and unlovable.”

      i like jason more than justina, that one he is always proving difficult, my child jason is easy going, this is just an example of my favorite child issue, humanly possible it is difficult not to have a favourite child among your children but keep that knowledge to yourself, parents are meant to treat their children unbiasedly.

Do a reality check Not sure if you have hidden feelings of favouritism? Ask your partner, or a trusted friend or family member to share their observations about how you treat your kids.

Don’t compare Nothing sets the stage for unhealthy competition between siblings more than parents who size them up against each other.

Love your children for who they are Try to ignore some of the flaws you perceive in your less-favoured child, and look for the positives. Seeing their strengths will help you appreciate them more.

Be as equitable as possible: Force yourself to be impartial You may feel favouritism, but work hard against showing it, stay out of their fights and don’t take sides. e.g House rules need to be applied equally.

Recognize that people are different: “It doesn’t mean there can’t be a close bond with a child, just that it’s a different kind of bond. You have to build your relationship differently, and it make take more effort to maintain a good relationship.”

Don’t try to recreate the nuclear family .